So as per the laws of 21st century hermitism, I cannot use a smartphone. I returned to my old and faithful Nokia 1661.
This phone’s USP is its flashlight and speaking clock. Pretty badass, huh? Well then here’s me ranting about why a feature phone is better than a smartphone:
- Battery life. You don’t have to charge a feature phone a dozen times a day. My Xperia needed a boost of some electric juice some 4 times a day for everyday usage. Give it to it bad and bam, your electricity bills gonna beat a rich Indian braggart on Diwali. However feature phones.. I mean they should sell these phones with battery life as their USP. This 3 year old faithful phone lasts me four days of power usage on an average full charge! Okay power usage for it is nothing beyond sending some 50 texts a day and playing Snake while in the loo, but you get me.
- Ruggedness. This lovely thing once fell from some 10 feet and it didn’t even flinch. Once it fell out of my pocket while I was driving at 60 kph and still nothing. Although it got a teeny little dent on the top but no other bruises anywhere. Then there’s my Xperia, it is losing its color at the edges because of the safety jacket I am using for it. Tell me about it.
- Volume. Damn, is this thing loud or what? When this beauty rings even the neighbours know I am getting a call. And my Xperia? I fail to feel its vibrations at times, hearing the ringer is a far cry.
- Enhances concentration. When all you can do is call, text, play Snake and have fun with the flashlight, you are just bound to concentrate on things that matter more. Beat that, smartphone.
- Builds determination. Can you beat that insanely high score you set on Rapid Roll once while taking a huge dump at that wedding reception of that relative you don’t even know clearly what your relation is? You can if you are determined! And there’s no cheat codes. Unlike you cheating Temple Running asses.
- Limited but enough customization. Yeah yeah you have an Angry Bird jacket for your iPhone, boo no one cares. I can actually paint on my phone, can you? You can make your Android UI look like what? A iBlackDroidDows? Meh. This badass beauty allows you to choose from TWENTY different background images (or Themes as it calls it). And you can even set the color in RGB scale and the color intensity. Beat that, prick.
- Sportsy and Safety. With a phone this heavy and aerodynamic you can practice shotput and knock down chain snatchers. Can your Gorilla Glass piece of junk do that?
- Economic. Why pay for a data plan when you can’t use it? All you need to pay for is calls and texts. Nothing else. Saved me some 100 rupees in the past ten days alone.
- Less painful for us loss averse humans. Lose a feature phone and all you lose is your contacts. One thing that bugs me is people crying about saving their SMSes. WTF really? What ancient scriptures do you have in your SMS? Anyway, lose a smartphone and you lose.. huge amounts of data, pictures, music, contacts, personalization settings and of course the looming threat about all the accounts you have connected and synced with it. Nothing like that with a feature phone.
- Cool factor. When everyone uses a piece of glass or a footlong for a phone, you have your feature in its shining armor in all its glory. Who’s the new cool, now? Who does everyone stop, turn around and look at? You.
- More free time. My phone lay on the bathroom counter for nearly two hours earlier tonight, but I did not care! I did not have any tweets to send or status updates to post. My phone finally had alone time and so did I. (This part could probably be true because I am a loner and I have nobody in life)